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Welcome to Lesson Four of Your Anger Management Course. Today, we are going to discuss the third emotion you experience as part of stress; anger.

In this lesson you will learn:

• How anger is created
• The many ways you can experience anger
• How anger impacts you
• The three steps in releasing anger.

After today's lesson, you may never view anger in yourself or anyone else the same way. That's a fairly bold claim, but let's gets started, and see if you agree by the time we are done.

The premise of this course is that fear creates anger. Let me give you an example. Have you ever seen a parent's reaction right after an incident happened that their child was almost hurt or the child was missing from them for a short duration? In some instances, right after the near accident occurs or the child is found, the parent may respond with obvious anger with a comment such as "You really scared me by walking away from me!" This is a classic example of fear being manifested as anger.

Let me make another bold statement. In virtually every case of someone being angry, I believe there is an underlying fear that is creating the anger. Of course, you have to broaden your definition of fear from the traditional concept of being scared, but when you think it through, it becomes rather clear that fear creates anger.

Let's examine how you can experience fear:

• Fear of life not living up to expectations
• Fear of being rejected or criticized
• Fear of losing something important to you
• Fear of not receiving something you expect to have
• Fear of failure
• Fear of disappointing others or not fulfilling self expectations

Let's look at a few examples.......

Someone is struggling in school or at work. For some reason things are not going well. Keep in mind that first that this is a sorrow issue, life not being as expected, or not living up to expectations. They may cause fears of failure, fears of losing their job, etc. These fears may even be on a deep subconscious level, but are expressed as frustration or anger.

When traffic is stalled and you are late or disadvantaged, this is disrupting your life as anticipated, and you get angry. When we don't make the team or get the promotion we get angry. If others don't behave the way you believe they should, you may get angry.

During the next few days and weeks, observe yourself when you experience anger, observe others as they experience anger. You may note that underlying the anger is a sorrow issue that is creating fear on some level and creating the anger. Lets face it, we don't get angry randomly. We get angry when:

• Something doesn't go as expected
• You lose something or don't receive what you anticipated
• Too much is demanded of you
• Your life is disrupted.

Now Lets Discover...."

Anger can be represented in several ways. First, you have the typical example of anger, someone shouting, maybe cursing, and perhaps getting red in the face. They may be showing their anger to another person, or just "venting" about how unfair or unjust life is for them. Or they may be complaining about their streak of bad luck and unfortunate things that happen to them. However, some people have been taught not to show anger, or been forced to suppress any anger.

Unfortunately, when we experience anger, it has to go somewhere. Where else can anger go? For some, whenever something goes wrong they turn the anger inward and blame themselves. This can result in feeling depressed, guilty, self-blaming or shame.

How Anger Impacts You

As we discussed in the previous lesson, for the most part, fear holds you back, keeps you from moving, immobilizes you. On the other hand, anger may cause you to act out, sometimes even uncontrolled when you "lose it". Anger destroys lives, marriages, friendships, careers, educational opportunities, businesses, and social institutions. If you have children in your home, the anger you may be having, may impact them for a lifetime. It may also impact their children as well. It's time to stop the cycle. The changes you make now may change the future of several generations.

Unfortunately, anger kills as well. How many people need a drink or an illegal substance to "calm them down", and as a result have accidents that kill and maim. How many women and children are abused each year because someone could not control their temper? The numbers are staggering. There is untold pain and suffering due to anger.

If anger is turned inward, the feelings of guilt, shame or depressing thoughts can be overwhelming and keep you from reaching your full potential in your life.

Now that you understand how anger is created and the many ways you can experience it, lets again look at the three steps in resolving the anger. They are:

• Step # 1 Identify how the sorrow issues of life create this anger and in what form you experienced it.
• Step # 2 Explore how you will feel and act when you have released the anger and forgive.
• Step # 3 Use Guided Imagery to help you release the anger and forgive.

Lets Begin By

Step # 1: Understanding Your Anger

If you made a list of sorrow issues, review them and try to figure out how you experienced anger from each of them. Decide if it made you angry at others, the world, God, or if you turned it inward towards yourself as guilt, shame or depressing thoughts.

Or, try to think about how you generally experience anger.

Another Part of Understanding Your Anger is When You Feel Like a Victim

On occasion, you may feel like a victim when you experience a sorrow issue. We many times believe "they" or "someone" or "the world" is out to get you. Clearly, it may easy to feel that way. If someone treats you poorly, tries to hurt you in some way, or you fail a test, get cut from a team, lose an important sale to someone else who under cut you, someone else who got the promotion rather than you, its natural and normal to feel victimized.

Lets Explore A Real Life Example

You are walking in a crowd of people and someone steals you wallet or purse, and takes all your important identification cards and significant amount of money. This is a loss, you may experience many fears, and showing anger, displaying it in a way that is typical for you. You feel like a victim. However, whoever stole your wallet or pocketbook did not have the motivation of hurting you. Hurting you had to be an unintentional circumstance in them getting what they needed (your money) but in all likelihood, they would not have gone through the trouble it takes to steal a wallet or pocketbook just to make your life miserable. Your pain is an unintended byproduct of them needing the money. Perhaps they are on drugs, unemployed and feel terrible about themselves.

So the first cognitive restructuring to accomplish is to let go of feelings of victimization. Many times when we feel like victims, we just happen to be in the wrong place and at the wrong time, or someone is acting in a way that suits their needs, and bypassing, hurting or sidestepping you is part of the process to get where they want to go.

In most cases, hurting you was not primary, just secondary. In other words, sometimes bad things just happen. There wasn't anything wrong with you, there was no plot to bring harm to you, stuff just happens and we feel the consequences.

So, when you notice yourself feeling victimized, ask yourself this question; "Was me being hurt/losing/not receiving, etc., just a byproduct of other actions that someone felt they needed to take to get them what they wanted or needed?

When you start to look at it differently, clearly you can be angry that something bad happened, but you can eliminate or reduce the feelings of victimization. If you hang on to it, it will eat away at you like rust on a pipe.

Now, Let's Move On To......

Step #2: Envisioning New Thought Processes

Now just like before, answer these questions for each anger you identified:

Question # 1

How would it feel if I no longer felt angry/bitter/depressed/guilty/shameful/resentful/cynical regarding the sorrow issue of __________

If this sorrow issue caused you to feel like a victim, answer the following question. How would I feel and how would I act differently, if I didn't feel like a victim regarding my sorrow issue of _______________

Question # 2

Then, answer the following question for each one. How would I act and behave differently, or how would my world change, if I no longer felt angry/bitter/depressed/ guilty/shameful/resentful/cynical regarding the sorrow issue of __________

Question # 3

Then finally, contemplate and answer this question;

How would I feel, if I acted and behaved as I just described in the last question?

Don't be surprised if you are really taken back and stunned by your answers. These are powerful questions, and when answered properly, will begin to change your life.

Step #3: Guided Imagery to Release the Anger and Forgive

 

Now that you have seen the life benefits of releasing anger, guilt, shame or depressing thoughts and forgiving, the next step is do the mental imaging work that easily teaches and instructs you how you can do this.

It's for this reason that Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Stress includes the CD and aromatherapy blend called Release. The CD gently walks you through the mental imaging process needed to release anger.

In Lesson Seven, I will explain in full detail what Guided Imagery is, how it works, and how you can use it to create new positive ways of thinking, but here's a brief overview of the Release CD

• Rest comfortably with headphones and close your eyes as you listen to the CD
• Rev. Donna Shenk and myself will be speaking on the CD, and will guide you into a state of relaxation though breathing and relaxing your muscles. Soft music and the sounds of the gentle rain in the mountains will help you deeply relax.
• We will guide you into making a mental picture or metaphor of your anger, guilt, shame or depressing thoughts as a hot ember inside of you.
• We will then gently guide you into picturing and imagining the hot ember being removed from you and placed in the gentle rain, where it cools. (I will explain this in detail in lesson #7)
• You will be instructed to say affirmations and smell the Release aromatherapy oil
• You will be told to open your eyes, feeling better than you have all day.

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you release these harmful feelings

I believe that guided imagery is the easiest, most effective, and fastest way to learn these important principles that will change your life and teach you anger management techniques that will help you manage anger and have self control. Learning how to release anger has never been easier !

Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Stress is five CDs of guided imagery that systematically teaches you these five principles. Learning and implementing these principles in the past may taken years and cost thousands of dollars. Now with Tranquilities, in about six weeks, you can learn these principles while you relax in a chair, listening to the CDs If you want to start putting Tranquilities to use right away, you can order online or print an order form that you can mail or fax to us. The five CDs and five aromatherapy oils are only $49.95 Click Here to Purchase With Secure Online Ordering Click Here to Order By Phone, Fax or Mail

In your next lesson, we will talk about how losses, fears and anger lower your self esteem and how you can build and restore your sense of worth.

For your Health and Well-being,

Robert Miller ND

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PS. Remember, there is a Tranquilities coach who can guide you through this process. You can work with your own stress coach who will help you identify your stress emotions and how you can change your thought processes. E-mail us at coach@tranquilities.com, or call 1-877-345-3892

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247 North Reading Road
Ephrata, PA 17522

rmiller@tranquilities.com