Thanks for requesting my free seven-lesson anger management stress e-course"How to Permanently Control Anger"Let's Get Started, Here's... Lesson #3: Conquering Fear, the Cause of Anger 
Hello again. I'm Bob Miller ND and welcome to Lesson # 3 of your course on how to control anger. In lesson # 1 you learned that the stress that creates anger begins with a sorrow issue and creates feelings of grief and loss. Today, you will learn the next emotion of being stressed, how the grief and loss creates fear. Fear is not only a cause of anger, but fear also keeps you from reaching your full potential in relationships, careers, social opportunities and your ability to reach your dreams and goals. As a result, this gives you more reasons to be angry.
In this lesson, you will understand how fear is created and how you can permanently conquer fear in your life. To review. for each of the five emotions of stress, there are three easy steps to conquering them:
When You Learn These Principles... Not only will your stress levels and anger go down, but your self-esteem will climb, and new and exciting opportunities, career opportunities and relationships will open up for you. In Part One of this course, you learned how stress begins with a sorrow issue and that you experience the emotion of grieving and loss when life hands you a sorrow issue. In Part Two of your course, you learned about the types of sorrow issues you can experience, and then, we investigated how it would "feel" if you were restored in mind and spirit. In today's lesson, we are going to concentrate on fear. Clearly, if we did not experience fear, we would never survive. It's part of our instincts. When some action or behavior causes us harm in any way, this memory gets stored in our brain. Actually, there's a special part of the brain where the fear response is stored. Our instinct works every time, even when perhaps it shouldn't. Let me explain....... How You Learn Fear If you ever touched a hot stove and got burned, your instincts will tell you not to repeat that accident. However, lets say your job is in sales. You go to speak to someone on a sales call and they are having a bad day and treat you very poorly, perhaps insulting you and throwing you out the door. Ouch! That hurts. Well guess what your mind will do for you? The next time you need to speak to someone again, it will remind you by the fear response what happened last time, and it will be very difficult to do. If its too difficult, you will fail in your new job of sales. This concept can apply to any job, school experience, friendship or relationship. Here's another example, you start a relationship with someone, and unfortunately, you get hurt. So, after you recover, you want to try again, but the fear of getting hurt again makes you not try, or act so cautiously and defensively, that future relationships are doomed to failure. So Lets Find Out...... What You Need to Learn I'm sure you get the point here. Fear can save your life, but can also hold you back from doing things that are in your long term best interest. So you need to learn to recognize which fear emotions are good for you, and which ones are holding you back from reaching your goals and dreams. After you recognize which ones you need to overcome you can use the techniques you will learn here to overcome and conquer them. You May be Asking..... So...How Do I Conquer Fear Perhaps you have read books on positive attitudes, affirmations, imagining the desired outcome, etc. These are fine techniques, but there's one problem with this. In some instances, no matter how we prepare, try or do our best, sometimes things don't work out as well as we expected, and we have yet another "sorrow issue" So we back down and don't try, because the "sorrow" from this may be too painful. But wait.... You just learned in Lesson # 1 that "I am complete and whole, despite any sorrow issue". Make sure you read that line again, because this is the key point in conquering fear.The Secret is Revealed
When you realize that if things don't go well or fail, someone rejects or criticizes, that this no longer will impact you or your self-esteem, you will conquer fear. When you conquer the fear, you won't have to control your anger...because you will not be angry. Let me say that again, when you conquer your fears of rejection, disapproval, setbacks, others criticisms, you will not get angry. Too many times, we allow external life events define who we are. We will talk about this in more detail in our lesson on self-esteem, but for now, lets just start to think about the concept that your successes or failures, those who may like or not like you, those who accept or reject you, DO NOT define who you are. You do not need accomplishments or others approval to feel good about yourself. When you accept these principles as part of your new thinking process, stress levels will plummet, and your self-esteem will be secure. As a result, you will have all the courage you need to do whatever you want and outbursts of anger will no longer be a part of your life. How many things have you missed out on, because of fear? It no longer needs to be this way. New Thought Patterns to Learn In other words, you need to learn the new thought patterns or cognitive restructuring that the real YOU is not defined by failures, rejections or criticisms. This is a key point so I will say it again. You need to learn the new thought patterns or cognitive restructuring that the real YOU is not defined by failures, or rejections or criticisms by others.Think about this a bit. Most of the time we feel fear is when we are concerned that we will fail or mess up, or that we will be criticized or rejected by others. So how do we often respond to situations like this? Typically, we often times will choose not to take the risk, thus missing out of the finer things of life. As a result, we may experience anger, or depressing thoughts, guilt or shame. We would rather not try, than experience the consequences of failure, rejection or criticism. If we don't try, we will be stuck where we are, but sometimes our mind rationalizes that this is better than the pain that you may experience if you try to move forward and fail. In reality, failure is your friend. It has just taught you a valuable, lesson. It taught you what doesn't work! You learn from failure and find what works. I was just reading a manual on marketing. A person who was very successful in Internet sales was stating that in his company, more things he tries fails than works. But what he does, is when something fails, he cuts the losses quickly, and when its successful, keeps doing it and racks up the profits. In his way of thinking, you will never succeed unless you have failures, and lots of them. So why is this a problem for so many of us. Because we see failures as "personal failures", that we must be bad, jinxed, unlucky. We feel victimized, and as a result, become bitter, angry or depressed. Do you know how many substances failed as filaments for Thomas Edison as he tried to make a light bulb? However, each failure got him closer to success. Change the Way You Think So you see, you need to change the way you think. If you try something and fail, you just learned a valuable lesson. YOU are not a failure or destined to fail. So what does this all mean you may be asking? It means you need to learn on a very deep level that its OK to fail. I'd go so far to say that if you are not experiencing some failures in life, you may not be living in a way that you will reach your full potential. If you always have to live so safely that there is no chance of failure, you may live a rather dull and boring life. Now of course, I'm not suggesting wildly risking your finances and well-being, but I am suggesting that sometimes, a calculated risk is needed, where if it does fail, you are still safe and OK, and are able to learn valuable lessons from the experience. So how do you learn that its OK to fail, OK if people criticize or reject you? Simply learn that your worth and value is not tied to your accomplishments or how others define you. Now, with that background, lets explore your list of sorrow issues again. However, this time, I want you to think what fears these sorrow issues created in you.
So Let's Start With Step # 1..... Identify the Fears the Sorrows Created Now for some or all of your sorrow issues, go through them and make some notes as to the particular fear this sorrow may have created in your. For some sorrow issues, you may experience two or more of the fears listed above. At first this may be tough, and you may get stuck. If you can't figure it out, that's OK. Do as many as you can. If you have difficulty relating fears to specific sorrow issues, simply think about any fears of failure, fears of rejection or fears of something going wrong or bad that you may have. Now its time to move on to..... Step # 2 of Conquering Fear As we did in Lesson # 1, the next step of is to think and imagine how you will feel and act when you have conquered fear. So, go through each of your fears you may be experiencing and answer the following questions. Question # 1 How would you feel if you no longer had this fear, and had the courage you needed to move past that fear? Question # 2 How would you act and behave differently, if you no longer had this fear and had the courage and strength to move past the fear? Question # 3 How would it feel, if you acted and behaved as you just described above, and how would this improve your life? Some of these answers may be rather long, while others may be short or just one word. As we discussed in the previous lessons on sorrow, this is a powerful technique when you just think about what it would feel like, and how you would act, when you have the courage you need to move past your fears. This is an important first step in building your courage. Now...Lets Move on To.... Step # 3 of Cognitive Restructuring After you have completed this exercise, its now time to begin learning the cognitive restructuring technique, or behavioral modification, recognizing that F-E-A-R is False Evidence Appearing Real. 
The CD and Aromatherapy oil called "Courage" in Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Stress is designed to teach you how to find the courage to move past your fear or recognize you are safe and OK, even if what you fear occurs. In Lesson Seven, I will explain in full detail what Guided Imagery is, how it works, and how you can use it to create new positive ways of thinking, but here's a brief overview of how the Courage CD and Courage aromatherapy blend easily guides you into learning you are courageous and totally safe and secure if what you fear happens:
This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you understand new, positive ways of thinking. I believe that guided imagery is the easiest, most effective, and fastest way to learn these important principles that will change your life. Learning how to control anger, feel good about yourself, move past your fears and stop worry has never been easier !
In your next course that you will receive tomorrow, we will discuss how fears create anger. Just to give you a preview, we can experience anger in many forms, including guilt, shame, bitterness, cynicism and depression. For your Health and Well-being, Robert Miller ND Next LessonAnger-Management-Tips Home Page
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