Anger Management Lesson # 5 - Restoring Your Self-Esteem

I'm Bob Miller ND and welcome to Part 5 of your e-mail course on anger management and controlling anger. In this lesson, we will discuss how sorrow issues can lower your sense of self-worth and self esteem and act as a cause of anger. As you experience unmet needs and expectations, be on the receiving end of hurtful or critical comments, feel overwhelmed, or experience traumatic or hurtful life events, your sense of self-worth and self-esteem can be eroded, and as a result, you become angry and resentful..

After today's lesson, you will understand how sorrow issues erode your sense of self-worth and self-esteem and how you can take some easy steps to build and restore it, so you can have effective anger control.

Your sense of self-worth and self-esteem is vital to your emotional health, and must be a part of any stress management program. Lack of self esteem fills you with stress producing self-doubt and feelings of inferiority which makes you angry. As a result, you may be missing out on beneficial life opportunities; which again, may cause you toe experience feelings of anger or bitterness.

As I have listened to my clients over the years, I often hear similar themes over and over again; as children, they may have experienced parents that were preoccupied, favored other children, were critical and very seldom gave compliments, or at worst, were verbally or physically abusive. Or, if the family was supportive and functional, going to school exposed them to bullies and others who would ridicule, tear them down, insult them or even be physically abusive. Unfortunately, some teachers added to the lowered sense of self esteem.

Relationships that faltered may have resulted in hurtful messages, rejection and sometimes betrayal. Or, the workplace may subject you to demeaning conditions if co-workers or superiors treat you poorly.

Of course, any personal traumas add to the problem as well. No wonder most of us have a few battle scars and are not totally confident about ourselves. Many individuals may seem to have legitimate reasons to experience anger and rage.

For the purpose of this course, the perspective I am suggesting is that the sorrow issues of life chip away at our self-esteem. If you have enough positive reinforcements and support along with the resiliency to shake off the negatives, you survive and thrive.

However, if the sorrows keep coming and there's insufficient support, you continue to wear down. Clearly, as your sense of self-worth and self-esteem erodes, your resilience to stress declines as well. Its for that reason, building and restoring your self-esteem is a vital part of any anger management program.

In this lesson, as it relates to your self-worth and self-esteem, we will again go through the three steps to releasing the negative emotion and replacing it with a positive one.

Step # 1 Identify how the sorrow issues of life impacted your self-esteem and how it made you feel about yourself and contributes to angry outbursts.
Step # 2 Explore how you will feel and act when you have restored your self-esteem.
Step # 3 Use the Value Guided Imagery CD to help you let go of the negative effects of the sorrow issue and rebuild your self-esteem.

Step # 1 Discovering How Sorrow Issues Impacted Your Self-Worth and Self-Esteem

Let's go back to your original list of sorrow issues, this time, trying to figure out how they impacted your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. This one can be a little tricky, because it would be easy to say to every one of them, yes that chipped away at my self-esteem. However, I'd like you to go just a little farther. For each one, answer this question, "In regards to my self-worth and sense of self-esteem, this sorrow issue made be feel ____________

"Responses I have heard over the years to this question are; inadequate, stupid, dirty, unwanted, unlikable, unworthy, of no value, unlovable, defective, incapable, a reject, a fool, etc.

Now, go through these sorrow issues and feelings and answer the following questions:

For each negative way you felt about yourself that you identified above, think of the opposite positive feeling, such as; adequate, intelligent, clean and pure, wanted, likeable, worthy, valuable, attractive, lovable, good as you are, capable, wanted, wise, etc.

What would it feel like, if you believed that you were ( put in the opposite positive statement here) about yourself, despite this sorrow issue?

As you do this, pay attention to your posture. There's a good chance you may sit up a little straighter. Your countenance may look more confident. If you are saying these out loud, your voice may become more confident. This is a powerful exercise. You are planting seeds in your brain that will germinate over time.

The final step in restoring self-esteem is do the mental imaging work that easily teaches and instructs you how you can do this.

It's for this reason that Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Stress includes the CD and aromatherapy blend called Value. The CD gently walks you through the mental imaging process needed to let go of the weight of sorrow issues and restore your self-esteem and reduce your feelings of anger.

In Lesson Seven, I will explain in full detail what Guided Imagery is, how it works, and how you can use it to create new positive ways of thinking, but here's a brief overview of the Value CD

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a powerful technique that will gently help you rebuild your self-esteem and feelings of value.

I believe that guided imagery is the easiest, most effective, and fastest way to learn these important principles that will change your life. Learning how to build self-esteem has never been this fast, easy and inexpensive.

Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Stress is five CDs of guided imagery that systematically teaches you these five principles.

Learning and implementing these principles in the past may taken years and cost thousands of dollars.

Now with Tranquilities, in about six weeks, you can learn these principles while you relax in a chair, listening to the CDs

Start putting Tranquilities to use right away ; order online or print an order form that you can mail or fax to us. The five CDs and five aromatherapy oils are only $49.95

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I believe you were made in God's image and likeness. You are valuable and worthy, and have much to contribute to this world, just as you are. I urge you to take the steps now to do this work. When your self-esteem is renewed and restored, a whole new world of opportunities await you.

In your next lesson, we will talk about the last emotion of stress, worry and over thinking.

PS. There is a Tranquilities coach who can guide you through this process on the telephone. You can work with your own stress coach who will help you identify your stress emotions and how you can change your thought processes. E-mail us at coach@tranquilities.com, or call 1-877-345-3892

Thanks for requesting my free seven-lesson anger management stress e-course

"How to Permanently Control Anger"

Lesson #5: Restoring Your Self-Esteem